Stalking e Girlfriend Online; Breakup Depression | Obsession | Mental Health – Stocks X after breakup: She moved forward in life, I am living in her memories, how to move on

Question- I am 32 years old. My problem is that I keep stocking my X day and night. We had a breakup a year and a half ago. A few days passed in a lot of depression. Was felt, everything will be alright with time. She turned on the move. I have also done the move on. After that I had another girlfriend, some rebound sex also had. But still I am not able to forget my X. He had blocked me from everywhere, so I started following a fake account on Instagram, Facebook and X. Now checking her account every day, keeping an eye on her activity is becoming a kind of option. I myself find this thing unhealthy. I am not such a person, but I am not able to leave it even if I want to. I keep scrolling her feed for hours before going to bed every night. I read every comment on his post. He is happy in his new relationship, and I am stuck in him. I never tried to message him or stock him. But what I am doing with me, is it healthy, okay. How do I be free from this obsession?

Expert – Dr. Drona Sharma, Consultant Psychiatrist, Ireland, UK. Members of the UK, Irish and Gibraltar Medical Council.

Thank you for sharing your feelings with us and asking questions. We will try to understand the emotional pain at this time by dividing it into some parts and will also talk about self healing in detail.

After the breakup feeling sorrow and loneliness, thinking about X, watching it on social media, all these are natural emotional reactions. But when these things cross the healthy boundary and go under the purview of toxic, we do not even know ourselves. Therefore, it is also the responsibility of a conscious person to accept your feelings and try to change your understanding. At this time you are going through these things –

Risk of converting obsession into stocking

Before talking about self -healing, I would like to explain in detail about two things. One is stocking and the other is rebound sex. You think you unilaterally check it on social media, but you are not stocking.

Actually, there is a risk of converting this obsession into stocking, which is a punishable offense according to Indian law. So you also need to understand the legal framework of this action and its results.

1. Is your behavior equal to chasing under Indian law?

The question is whether according to Indian law, your behavior comes under stocking?

India is a crime under Section 354D of the Code of Justice of India. According to its definition, stocking is when

● A man chases a woman or repeatedly contacts her despite her clear anorexia, or

● Woman monitors her internet, email or other types of electronic communication without the consent of the woman.

Legal punishment for stocking

First offenses: imprisonment and fine up to 3 years (bailable)

Repit Offenses: imprisonment and fine of up to 5 years (non-bailable)

Analysis of your case

• If you are secretly checking the social media of X and are not inges up by commenting on it, or in any form and the X does not know about it, then it will probably not come under the purview of the legal framework of the law.
• But if you pass more than once from the X house or office of X, stand there, see it, then it will come under the realm of unwanted surveillance. Especially if the woman feels uncomfortable or afraid by doing this.
• If this behavior continues despite repeated refusal, then it will be considered a punishable offense under Section 78 of the Code of Justice of India (BNS).

conclusion

However, only the initial signs are visible in your behavior. This does not yet meet the legal criteria to chase, until it continues, does not grow, or does not cause trouble to the woman. Therefore, it is important that you pay attention to this by being alert from now on. It is not only necessary to do this only for legal reasons, but it is also important because your mental and emotional improvement is also in this that you look at the past, heal your mind and look forward to the future.

Reebound Sex: Does it help?

As you have written, you also tried to choose the path of rebound sex to overcome X. Reebound sex means, to be discreated soon after the breakup, recover from X, or to get involved in sexual activity with someone else immediately for emotional validation.

But the question arises whether doing so helps in really being heels and recovering from the grief of the past.

• All the studies on this subject show that rebound sex may help to boost the self -estimated immediately, but it creates an emotional confusion. This makes the feeling of emotional loneliness and emptiness deeper.
• Rebound sex gives a kind of falls or false reference that you have risen emotionally from the previous partner, but in reality it does not happen. Due to this, you are not able to get heels in a manner.
• If you have rebound sex in the hope of referring to your X, controlling it or getting it again, it develops dysfunctional patterns. Emotional healthy relationships are not formed.
• In order to be emotionally really heels and move on, it is necessary to feel sorrow by descending within and give yourself time to recover from it.

Self screening tool to understand yourself better

Before proceeding, I am giving you a self -screening tool to understand myself better. There are 10 questions in this test. You have to rate these questions on a scale of 1 to 4. 1 means- not at all and 4 means always, all the time. After giving the score to every question according to his answer, you have to check your score.

The questions are in graphic below. The interpretation of the score is also given in the graphic. First answer the questions and then check its interpretation according to your score.

How to recover from a breakup with Respect and Grace

Four weeks self -help plan

First week- accept a breakup

• Write a letter to your X (not to send it). Write all the things you feel and want to say to him in this letter. This letter is just to express your feelings, tell your mind and lighten the mind.
• Mute or unfollow all the social media accounts of X.
• Do daily jarnalling. Write your feelings and things of mind in a diary every day.
• Tell yourself, “It is natural to remember him. But remembering and missing does not mean that I should also act on those emotions.”

Second week- free from observation

• You have to be free from the fascination of your past and its obsession. For this, reduce your phone access gradually. For this, screen time control apps can also be used.
• Walk all the time instead of scolding the phone. Read a book or talk to a trusted friend.
• Try every day that you will not think about the past. Will not see his profile. And after doing this successfully for seven days, also give yourself praise.
• Whatever feelings are coming to mind or who are intense desire to do, sit quietly and observe it. Do not act on it. As it is very felt that I should open the Instagram and check his profile or send him an email or stand outside his house. But you do not have to do all this. Sit calmly at one place, take a deep breath and just feel these feelings. When you do not act, these feelings will slowly calm down.

Third week- fabrication of yourself renewed

• Recipe again with old hobbies and old friends.
• Try to do something new or learn, increasing your ability (such as art, cooking or gyming).
• Write in a diary what you want from your life and relationship. What do you expect from the future relationship.
• The problems or disturbances in the previous relationship, think about them with patience. Why did they not show the red flags in the relationship. Or maybe you also ignored it. So why did this happen? Gradually recover from the past and analyze it.

Fourth week- A new healthy start by closing old doors

• Not only the loss of the previous relationship, but also meet it and also learn lessons.
• Forgive and move forward. It is not necessary to contact, meet, talk for apology. This is our inner process.
• Write on a paper, ‘Now I am getting free from old things. Now I am ready for a new beginning. ‘
• Imagine your new beautiful future with a new relationship.
• End the fourth week in your diary with writing this- “What does my new held self now tell me.”

conclusion

Breakup is a painful experience. But we need to overcome that problem in such a way that we do not increase anyone else’s suffering or do not interfere in its space. It seems that social media stocking or rebound sex has provided relief for a while, but in reality it does not happen. A deep healing is needed to rise above sorrow. Try to heal yourself. Also ask for help if needed. Asking help is not a weakness, but a sign of strength.

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