Relationship Marriage Advice; Multiple Sclerosis Disease | Partner Girlfriend | Relationship Advises- We were about to get married: then it came to know, the partner has chronic disease, now there is fear, gilt, should I get married or not

Question: I am 29 years old and my partner’s 32 years. We have been in a relationship for the last four years. Our family knows about our relationship. For the last one year, we started thinking about marriage and our families were also very happy with this marriage.

Everything was going very well, but such a mountain of troubles has fallen on us that I do not understand what to do. One day, after suddenly having a sudden whisper in the office, my partner was admitted to the hospital. They have come to know of a chronic disease. They have multiple sclerosis (MS). The doctor says that this is just the beginning, but their condition will deteriorate over time. In this, a person becomes completely bedded. The situation can be so bad that it is not possible to raise even a pen, spoon with your hands. After this he will need to care for life. I love her very much, but I am afraid of my future. Now I am afraid of the idea of marriage. But there is also a gilt in the mind. If this disease had happened to me?

Expert: Aditi Saxena, Counseling Psychologist, Bhopal

answer: Hearing you, it seems that you are going through a very difficult period. The confusion in your mind, love, fear and family pressure, is absolutely natural. On the one hand, you love your partner very much and want to spend life with them and on the other hand the fear of future responsibilities is also bothering you. This is not an easy decision. The concern of your family is also understood, but at the same time this gilt is also reasonable that you do not want to leave your partner alone. You don’t feel alone, you are not alone. Many people go through such a situation. You should deal with it with very clear thinking and understanding. Let’s understand one by one and see what you can do.

Why are you feeling like this? When someone reveals a serious disease like multiple sclerosis (MS), many questions arise in the mind. Especially when you are preparing for a big step like marriage with that person. You must be wondering if you will be able to be present for them all the time? Will you be able to take care of them properly? It can also be a question that this decision will not become a burden on your life? On the other hand, you must also think that if you decide not to spend the life ahead with them, then how correct or wrong will it be? What will people say about it? All these questions and your fear are absolutely natural. You think this way-

Thinking about yourself is not selfish

First of all it is important to understand that thinking about yourself is not selfish. If you had got this disease yourself, what would you say to your partner? Do you want your partner to take care of your whole life? Do you want there to have no marital plaser in their life, no sex, no children, and no common life? There are 100% chances of this that you do not say. You probably tell your partner to live their lives and be happy. Then when the situation is the opposite, then you also have every right to think about yourself. This is not selfish, but the thinking of a responsible and sensible person. Always take care of logic with emotions-

The burden of thinking and caregiving has been going on for generations

There is a belief from generations that the job of women is to take care of everyone at home, husband’s, children, mother-in-law care of everyone. Therefore, before marriage, you are thinking only about caregiving all your life. Perhaps if there was a man in this place, he would not think so much about it and it would have been easy for him to take a decision. But the truth is that the burden of caregiving is very heavy and it also affects the health of the caregiver.

In famous American doctor and writer Gabor Mate’s book ‘Wohn the Body Sage No’, he has told how the caretaker falls ill. Constant care of others does not get time to focus on their health and they fall prey to stress, fatigue and depression. According to a study, the risk of depression to the careers is 6 times higher than the common people. Therefore, it is not just a question of your partner’s health, but also a question of your health.

Understand what the situation is from the story of Gen Wild

Gen Wild, who was the first wife of the famous scientist Stephen Hawking. He spent a large part of his life in his care. 90% of Stephen Hawking’s body was disabled and needed care at all times. Jane took care of him, but in this process he had a great impact on his life. He wrote in his book how difficult it was, and how he lost his own identity and happiness. This example shows how difficult it is to spend the whole life in one’s care and it can end their own life.

Apart from marriage, there are ways of help

It is important to understand that even without getting married, you can help your partner. You can support them as a friend, cooperate in their care and make themselves financially strengthened so much that they can get good treatment and care. Marriage does not mean that you take responsibility for their entire life. You can help them completely without abandoning your life in other ways.

Talk to the doctor and prepare for the future

We are not saying at all that you leave your partner immediately and separate. It would be better to talk to the doctor about this well. Understand them how in how long the conditions can deteriorate. Make preparations for the future accordingly. As long as he is able to do all the work on his own, help him to make necessary arrangements for his future and for treatment.

Will not have a better decision to marry

If your partner really loves you and if he is not mentally ill, then he will also say that you live your life and be happy. He would not want you to abandon your life like this. Therefore, my advice is also that you should not marry your partner in such condition. You can help her even without marrying her, whether in a friend or by giving financial and emotional support for her treatment and care. This decision will be better not only for you, but also for your partner.

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