32 minutes agoAuthor: Shivakant Shukla
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Question- I am from Jaipur. I have two daughters, one 12 years old and the other 9 years old. There was also a son in our family, who was our life. But about a year ago, at the age of 6, he died of snake bite. This accident was the biggest shock of life for us.
Now the festival of Rakshabandhan is approaching. This will be the first time that my daughters will not be able to find brother in front of Rakhi. As the festival is getting closer, the sadness of both is increasing. Disappointment is visible on his face and he does not feel like everyday things. A few days ago, both of them asked me in a tone of innocence and pain, “Mummy, our brother is no longer in this world… whom will we tie this time?”
Hearing this question, I could not handle myself and wept. Seeing tears in my eyes, both daughters also started crying bitterly. As soon as I handled that situation. Now I do not understand how to explain to daughters about this? Please help me
Expert: Dr. Amita Shringi, Psychologist, Family and Child Counselor, Jaipur
answer- Your question is a deep emotional experience within you. You have lost an important part of the emotional balance of the family, not just your son. In such a situation, you and your daughters are passing through double trauma at this time. The first sorrow of the death of brother and son and the second increased emptiness due to his absence on the occasion of the festival.
It is natural to feel unhappy in such a situation. But if you lose your patience at this time, it will be more difficult for children to deal with it.
Actually children are not able to process any emotions or sorrow like adults. In such a situation, first of all, support the children by side by side for a while because they need more with you at this time.
Make children feel that their grief is valid and it is not wrong to express it. But also protect them from being immersed in this mourning for a long time. You can tell them that “Yes, we are all missing the brother a lot and it is absolutely normal.” When children see that parents accept their feelings instead of suppressing their feelings.
Celebrating Rakshabandhan for the first time in brother’s absence is an emotional challenge for daughters. But you can make this day an opportunity to cherish love, memories and relationships with a positive approach. For this, tell the daughters some ways of Rakhi Celebration, which keep them connected with the memories of the brother.
As a parent, you should also explain to your daughters that brother is not physically with them. But memories related to him will always be alive in his heart. Along with this, take some steps that can give emotional support to daughters and can turn the festival into positive experience. Such as-
Teach to celebrate memories
Make a small memory corner in memory of the son on Rakhi. Ask daughters to tie a rakhi near her photo. Make a dish of his choice. Together, remember good things about him. With this, daughters will understand that even though the brother is not present with us, his existence still exists in our life.
Explain the real meaning of the festival
Rakshabandhan is not only a tradition of tying a rakhi to the brother, but is a promise to protect and fulfill each other. This promise can be between sister-sister, friend-friend or anyone. Sisters can tie rakhi to each other and make small promises. Like “I will help you in homework” or “I will play with you”.
Apart from this, rakhi can also be tied to cousin, friend or neighbor. On this occasion, make a promise card, in which they write what they will do for each other.
Make the festival activity-based
Include daughters in making rakhi themselves through craft activity. Tell the historical and mythological stories of Rakshabandhan, where it has been a symbol of safety and love not just the festival of siblings (eg Krishna-Draupadi). Teach them that the festival is a celebration of relationships in the heart, not only of the existing relationships.
Make good work a tradition
Start the tradition of doing a good work on every Rakshabandhan in memory of brother. Like feeding clothes, donating clothes or helping someone. Plant a plant every year in the name of brother or choose a memorable item, which is taken care of for years. It will become a vibrant symbol of brother’s bond and love.
Give way to express emotions
Inspire daughters to express their feelings through diary, drawing or video messages. This will not put their grief inside and they will slowly move towards healing.
The absence of brother on a festival like Rakshabandhan is a very emotional time for children. At such a time, even the small mistake of the parents can leave an impact in their mind for a long time. Therefore, it is important that parents take special care of these 8 things.
In the end, I will say that the absence of brother on Rakshabandhan is a deep emotional challenge for daughters. But the sensitive and balanced behavior of parents can transform this emptiness from pain to the celebration of memories and love. Teach the children that the absence of a brother is not an indication of the end of the relationship, but an opportunity to feel that bond deeper.
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