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Question- I am 33 years old and I work on a salary of Rs 20,000 at a call center in Noida. For the last few years, I have been slowly going into depression. I have also stopped going home and talking to family members on the phone. My father was in class 1 government job. My two brothers and cousins are all top classes in government and private jobs. Even after a lot of hard work, my career could not be made like him. I lost many years in the preparation of IAS. I did not get selected and age got out. Whenever there is talk to Papa, he taunts that look at his brothers, how much they have gone in life, how successful they are and you remain there. Nobody understands me, only draws shortcomings. I only talk to my mother at home. I have fallen alone from the family. My loneliness and sadness are getting deeper. How to help me, how to feel better.
Expert – Dr. Drona Sharma, Consultant Psychiatrist, Ireland, UK. Members of the UK, Irish and Gibraltar Medical Council.
First of all, thank you for asking this question. Asking questions, it shows that you have the passion to address your problem and feel better about yourself. You do not want to live in the status quo.
Therefore, we will talk about all aspects of your question one by one and will also discus a self -help plan in details.
Evaluation of the situation from EE’s perspective
First of all, I will evaluate your state of mind through EE (expressed emotions), a theory of psychology. In 1950, a British psychologist George Brown introduced the theory of EE. This theory tries to understand and evaluate the influence of family and close people on human psychology. It explains in the theory details what the people who are close to our own, their criticism, taunting or comparison with others, have an impact on our psychology. If they interfere a lot in our life, let us down down and if they do not get appreciation and support from the family, then how do these things affect our mental health.
Main type of ee
The EE theory, expressing the emotions being expressed by the family, mainly divides these 5 categories, whose details are in graphic below. As is clear from your question, your suffering is not just that you have not been able to achieve success in life equal to your brothers or family, the pain is that instead of irrelevating and supporting your effort, the family always makes you realize that you are less than the rest. This comparison and criticism has the most negative effect on mental health and affects self -estimates.
Family criticism effect on self -estimated
Self Eye Impact Test
Before proceeding, I am giving you two self -screening tools to understand my emotional state better. There are two different tests in two graphics below, in which 5–5 questions are given. You have to answer these questions in yes or no. The interpretation of his answers below the question is also given in graphic. Answer the questions first and then check its interpretation.
Ee impact test
After the previous Test, now do this second test and understand to what extent the era from the family is affecting your mental state and mental health. If the answer to more than 3 questions is yes, then it means that this effect is very deep and along with self -help you may also need a professional help.
EE’s effect on mental health
How does it affect our self -esteem
When EE happens continuously, the person starts doubting himself. His value decreases in his eyes, his self -esteem is affected. He starts asking himself such questions –
- Am I really weak?
- Do I not deserve to do anything?
- Am I not as capable as the rest?
In a long time it can also cause low self -estim and self -criticalism clinical depression.
How does EE look in your case?
If you look at your case on that parameter, the types of EE are mentioned in the second graphic, then the lack of hostel and love is seen in this form.
Criticism- “You could not become an IAS, everyone else became.”
Hostility – “There is no hope from you now.”
Over Environment – “We did everything for you.”
Lack of love and belonging – “Now what will you come home and show your face?”
You are victims of low self -estim
The emotional situation you are going through is not actually depression, but a low self -estim. However, if this situation remains for a very long time and the person starts dislike himself, then it can also take the form of clinical depression. But I believe that your condition has not reached that level right now because you are asking questions and trying to address your problem. Understand in some points below, what is the difference between low self -estim and depression.
- When there is a low self -estim, man thinks that I am probably not as good and capable. But in depression, there are such thoughts that my life has no meaning.
- In a low self -estim, a person doubts himself. But there is no desire to do some work in depression. Sleep, hunger is all affected in a negative manner.
- In a low self -estim, a person finds mistakes within himself. But in depression it is filled with a prolong self -aggression.
CBT based 4 -week self -help plan
CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) believes that our thoughts affect our feelings and behavior. The results are not in our hands, but trying to try in our hands. Therefore, we should evaluate our efforts every day. Should not be judged by external results and people’s opinion.
For this, we need to change our way of thinking. It is not overnight. But by trying a little bit every day, your thinking can be changed and its effect is also visible on our external behavior.
So let’s talk about four weeks of self -help plan.
week 1
Change your thinking and thoughts
- Identify and challenge your negative ideas
- Write your negative thoughts on a paper. Like “I am a failure in life.”
- Now ask yourself: “Is this thinking 100% true?”
- Now add your alternative ideas in front of it. Like –
- – “I tried and this means.”
- – I am not a failure. I do my work with full honesty.
- – Not necessarily everyone is the same. I am of my own kind. I do not need to be like the rest.
Week 2
Daily Diary – ‘Price of hard work’
- Start writing a diary daily and name it – ‘Price of hard work’
- Ask yourself every day:
- Did I give my best today?
- Are I ready to learn further?
- Answer yes, if you are yes, give yourself a lot of praise and try your best. Then whatever the result is.
- The self -working associated with it is not based on the result, but is based on intensions and intentions.
Week 3
Make mental distance from ee
- When the housemates criticize you or you find shortcomings in you, instead of focusing on those things and obeying them, make a meaningful communication with themselves.
- Remind yourself -: “This is their opinion, this is not my truth”
- Avoid controversy, but maintain a positive dialogue.
Week 4
Decide your direction and develop skills
- Spend 15 minutes of your time every day in learning a new.
- Such as Excel tool, speech art or time management.
- Track your daily hard work and progress.
- Ask yourself every night – “Did I work hard today?”
- Which skill I learned today. Which skill of my improvement has improved today.
conclusion
EE is an unknown poison, but it can be identified and improved. CBT teaches that the quality of our efforts matters more than the result. You should believe in yourself and first try to improve your self -estimated. Think about yourself, do not be impressed by the opinion of others and keep trying to improve yourself every day.
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