4 minutes agoAuthor: Gaurav Tiwari
- Copy link
Question: I am 32 years old and work in a private company in Delhi. My marriage has been 5 years and till now our relationship has been very cute and intelligent. My husband is very caring, but recently something happened that shook me inside. One day some of his friends came home. In the conversation while drinking alcohol, my husband and his friends said that nowadays women have become the biggest threat to the society. Now there is a need to protect men from women, not women. ‘ Recently, there were some reports in which women killed their husbands. But it is dangerous to take such results due to such a few incidents. I was very sad to hear such things from my husband’s mouth. The person with whom I felt the safest, can also keep such a superficial thinking, it was prickly prickled to me. Now many questions are arising in my mind- are I giving more heat to this thing? Should I talk to them? Is our relationship getting weaker? How do I handle this suffocation?
Expert: Aditi Saxena, Counseling Psychologist, Bhopal
answer: Your feelings and your grief are absolutely valid. When we are in a relationship with someone, we not only spend time with them, but also join their thinking, their perspective and their values. If the same person says something that shakes your faith, then it is natural for you to be hurt. It was not just a comment, but it is part of those deep social beliefs, due to which they have misconceptions about women. Let us see one step each to understand this situation and deal with it.
Are you overaring?
No, you are not overcome at all. This response of yours is that of a sensitive and conscious person. When your spouse says such a thing that is superficial about your values, your identity or your penis, it is natural that you feel unsafe and hurt. This is not just a statement, but it is a matter of touching the foundation of your relationship, which was on mutual respect and understanding.
Your mind is suffocating because you not only see your husband as your partner, but also as a person who understands you and thinks of equality in society. His comment challenges that belief.
Should we talk to husband about this?
Yes, you should talk exactly. But this conversation should not be in a mood of anger, accusation or debate, but with a calm and open mind. Dialogue in relationships is the largest bridge, which can erase distances. If you suppress this issue, then this suffocation will increase in your mind further and it may be that it creates more misunderstandings in your relationship.
The best way to start a matter is to keep your feelings in front. You can say-
That day when you and your friends said about women that they are threatened by men, I felt very sad. I want to know why you think so. Can we talk about it openly?
With such a beginning, your point will neither look aggressive, nor will it make your husband defensive. This will open a window of dialogue, where both of you can understand each other.
Is your relationship getting weaker?
This question is very deep and the answer is- no. Your relationship is not getting weaker, but it needs to be handled. Every relationship changes over time. In the beginning, love and belonging seems easy, but as time passes, ideological differences and social thinking come out. This is not a weakness, but part of the maturity of the relationship.
Your husband’s comment may be their own thinking or it may be the result of the deep rooted mentality of the society, which motivates men to make a statement against women. It is not necessary that they really believe so, but it can be a part of social pressure to say such things between alcohol or friends.
The important thing is that you take this issue as an opportunity. This can be a chance to further strengthen your relationship, if both of you talk openly and try to understand each other’s thinking.
How to deal with this situation?
To come out of this suffocation and confusion, you have to work at both emotional and practical levels. This process will not be easy, but it can make your relationship deeper and stronger. You can take these some steps-
Accept your feelings
It is important for you that you do not suppress your grief and hurt feelings. Write your feelings with paper-pen, share it with a close friend or note your talk in a diary. This will lighten your mind.
Talk with a calm mind
Choose the right time and atmosphere to talk to your husband. Do not make an excuse to be said to be intoxicated by alcohol, because drunk often comes out the same things that are buried somewhere in the mind. But the conversation should always be calm and respectable.
Understand their perspective
It may also happen that your husband has said that in a hurry or to create an atmosphere among friends. Ask them if they really believe so? Try to find out the reason behind their thinking. Perhaps this should not be their own thinking, but the effect of society. If he regrets his words and wants to rectify this mistake, then help him.
Take professional help
If the conversation does not talk or you feel that this issue is further impressing your relationship, then do not hesitate to take couples therapy or relationship counseling. A neutral specialist can help you understand both of you better.
Remember the beginning of the relationship
Both of you formed this relationship on the basis of love, respect and equality. Try to strengthen that foundation again. Tell your husband that you are with them because you give importance to their thinking and values. If there is a need to change their thinking, try to bring him with love and understanding.
last thing
Your question is not just about you and your husband’s relationship, but a big social issue. Even today, there are misconceptions about gender in the society and these beliefs are sometimes reflected in our closest relationships. This does not mean that your relationship is weak. This is a chance, for you and your husband to understand each other in a better way and strengthen your relationship.
Listen to your heart. Both your love and your self -esteem are precious. Protect them and re -create your relationship on the foundation that both of you had chosen together.
,
Read this news too
The girl’s friendship with fake profile on Instagram: Jokes made in the whole school, do not feel in any work, what should I do
Now you will do a lot of such things. This is a natural thing. Doing this and then knowing it to someone else, it is all normal. At this raw age we see it with embarrassment, but nothing like this happens. Read full news …
-
Relationship advisory- Mother-in-law interrupts everything: Husband should take a stand for me, but he is a king son, how to protect myself
- Copy link
share
-
Relationship Advises- We were about to get married: Then came to know, the partner has chronic disease, now there is also fear, gilt too, marry or not
- Copy link
share
-
Relationship Advises- Fear from again fear: Partner loves, but I am afraid that he will cheat one day, how to trust
- Copy link
share
-
Relationship Advises- I suspect that Husband has an affair: The proximity growing from the office cooling, how to know, it is not the fault of my mind
- Copy link
share
