6 minutes agoAuthor: Gaurav Tiwari
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Question: I have been married for a year and live in a joint family with my in -laws. My mother -in -law continuously intervene in our relationship, criticizing my cooking, dressing and even interacting with my husband. My husband loves his mother and does not want to bother them. So he avoids facing them. This is increasing tension between us and I think my point remains unheard. How should I talk on the issue that there is no discord in the family? I want my husband to stand in my favor, is it wrong to expect me?
Expert: Dr. Jaya Sukul, Clinical Psychologist, Delhi
answer: You shared your problems and I can understand how confused you are at this time. Even after a year of marriage, it is not easy to mold in a joint family, especially when the intervention of the mother -in -law and the husband’s silence is causing stress for you. You told that your mother -in -law comments on your cooking, dress and even conversation with her husband. From above, your husband avoids speaking something due to love with his mother. This makes you feel that no one is listening to you. You want your husband to stand with you and is wondering if it is wrong to expect. Let us solve this problem one by one.
Your feelings are not wrong
First of all, accept that what you feel is fine. It is natural to be sad if someone reduces your work at all times. You are a new daughter -in -law, making your place in a new house and in such a situation, Tokataki can bother on everything from mother -in -law. It is also true that the husband’s silence makes you feel more lonely. The early years of marriage are difficult anyway, you are creating a new relationship, keeping pace with new people. In such a situation, if you are getting angry, sorrow or restlessness, do not blame yourself. All this is happening because you want to improve your relationship and family.
How to tell this to your husband?
The biggest part of your problem is that your husband does not speak anything. But don’t panic, the way to fix it, interaction. Talking openly to her husband is the first ladder to solve this problem. It should be such that neither they are upset, neither mother -in -law should be angry nor any fight in the house. See some easy ways-
1. Choose the right time
After dinner or on weekends, when both of you are alone, start talking.
The atmosphere is calm, no hurry so that you can comfortably speak your point.
2. Keep your point with love
Keep in mind that things do not deteriorate between you both due to mother -in -law. So do not talk angry. Explain that you have a sense of respect for the mother -in -law, but their unnecessary intervention is facing difficulty.
3. Understand husband’s trouble
Your husband does not want to make his mother sad, it is his love. Accept it. Despite this, tell them clearly that you are not against their mother, just want you to decide something together.
4. Follow the way together
Tell your husband what the things of your mother-in-law make you uncomfortable. After this, the two people together find a way out how they should be explained to them, so that they do not suffer from it.
Some limitations are necessary
There should be a streak in every relationship, so that it is known to how far someone’s interference is fine and where the trouble starts. This is even more important in the joint family. You and your husband can decide some limits with your mother -in -law. Look here how-
- What is right, decide. The advice of an elder in the house is fine in family talks, but you should have freedom in cooking or clothes.
- Say your words softly. If mother -in -law says something, then smile, say that your advice is good but I want to do it in my own way.
- Be sure to take the husband. Tell them to talk to their mother too. They have to tell their mother that they have no problem with your work.
- By fixing the boundaries, the mother -in -law will also understand that you want your space and all this can happen with respect.
Is it wrong to ask for a husband?
No, not at all. You want your husband to stand with you and it is the right to every married couple. In the wedding, husband and wife become shields for each other. It is not wrong for you to think that they understand your feelings and support you. But it is also true that he loves his mother and does not want to make him sad. Here they have to find a middle way. You can explain to them that you do not have to go against the mother, but to strengthen the relationship of both of you.
What to do that the relationship with mother -in -law does not deteriorate
There is a taboo in the society regarding the relationship between mother-in-law. In many cases these things are also correct. Despite this, if your words are kept sitting well, then it can be made.
What to do if it is not done?
If the stress does not reduce even after all efforts, then do not hesitate to meet a family counselor. A outside person can see your point with a new look and show the way. This can be a good step to save your relationship.
Explain your point to husband
Your trouble may look big, but it can be solved. Talk to your husband with love and respect. Do some work together with mother -in -law. You want to support you, it is absolutely right. Just let them understand their compulsion. You are not alone, such things happen in every joint family and trying correctly makes everything alright. Gradually, with love and understanding, you can bring peace and happiness to your home. Have courage, everything will be good.
Become strong finishing yourself
The social structure in India is such that there is infirority among people about women. You have not told in the question whether you are working or not. If you are not working, first of all find a job of your studies, skills and choice. We get the authority and strength to make our decisions due to strengthening of the finishly. After this, you will be able to do your mind with more freedom, you will be able to take decisions for yourself.
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