21 minutes ago
- Copy link
Question: I am 27 years old and work in a CA firm in Gurgaon. I met a boy about 1 year ago through a common friend. He was quite talented, but also very lonely and sad. Then I used to think that I could remove this sadness, this sadness. I wanted to become his service and I was made. But now after passing a year, I started feeling that nothing has changed in this one year. I have been troubled by the habit of complaining to him all the time. He keeps making compulsion with everything all the time. Office, friend, weather, relationship, food, own health, no film, hero, leader, road, sky, air, water, keeps decreasing everything. Months pass, a sentence does not come out of his mouth. Because of this, I have started feeling very tired. Now I think perhaps this person can never be happy. Should I tell it clearly that this habit is breaking me from within? Or I should assume that this relationship is not good for my mental health and should a breakup?
Expert: Dutima Sharma, Clinical Psychologist, Bhopal
answer: First of all, know that what you are feeling is perfect. You tried to help your boyfriend, tried to reduce his grief and this is a big thing. But now you are tired, upset, and this feeling is also not wrong. Many people are in relationships where only negativity comes from one side, and the other person is engaged in fixing it. But is this really your responsibility? And is this relationship giving you the happiness you need?
How does negativity eat a relationship?
Let’s understand it with an easy thing. What does a plant need to grow? Sunlight, water, good soil and a little care. Now if that plant only gets darkness, does not get water, then it will wither, right? Relationships are also like this. They need love, happiness and support so that they become strong. But if there are complaints in the relationship all the time, only negative things, then it gradually starts to weaken. Your relationship is perhaps going through this period.
Your boyfriend’s habit of lacking everything, whether it is office, friend or weather shows that there is something inside them that does not let them see good. This negativity is not only their remains, it also affects you. You are feeling tired and it is normal. Therefore, it is important to have a partner positive in the relationship, so that you also grow.
Understand the difference between complaint and suggestion
Clear one thing- to complain and suggest, both are different things. It is a very small thing. If your partner says, “The food is probably a little salty, next time we will add less salt,” then it’s feedback. It leads to growth. But if he says every time, “food is useless, weather is bad, all are bad in the office,” and do not give any solution, then it is just negativity. In your case, it seems that they just complain, without thinking how things can be better.
Being a service is not your responsibility
You said that initially you felt that you can remove their sadness. This thinking was very good, but it is also true that it is not your job to fix anyone. This is called Savier Syndrome- When we think that we can overcome someone’s suffering, we can change their lives. Especially girls are taught from childhood that it is their duty to care for others. But the truth is that a person can change only when he wants to change himself. You can help your boyfriend. They can tell them that their negativity is a problem, but fixing it is their job or an expert, such as consultation of a psychologist.
What do we do now?
Now the question is what you should do? Whether to breakup or not, this decision is yours. But thinking some things will make you look clear. Talk to them openly. Tell them clearly that their complaints are bothering you. Say, I love you, but the negativity of you is tired of me.
Can you work on it?
If they understand and try to change, the relationship may be given a chance.
Set the boundary: If they agree, then say that you cannot hear complaints all the time. Like, “I will listen to you, but don’t comply on every small thing.” This will save your mental health.
Take professional help: If their negativity is very deep, ask them to meet a counselor. You are his partner, not his doctor.
Give yourself priority: If they do not change, nor listen to you, think about your mantle health. Is this relationship giving you happiness? Or just gives fatigue and sadness? If the answer is not in, the breakup may be a way.
Breakup or not?
If your boyfriend considers his mistake and is willing to work on it, then you can support them. But if they do not believe, do not change and their negativity is overshadowing you, then the breakup can be a healthy option. It seems difficult to hear, but the truth is that your mental health is very valuable. Staying in constant negativity can make you hollow from inside, and it can also affect your future.
You deserve a healthy relationship
Finally, remember that you do a relationship that gives you happiness, which helps you grow. A relationship where there is love, respect, and positivity. If your relationship is not giving you that, then do not hesitate to take the right decision for yourself. It is not wrong to give priority to your mantle health.
Take decision in your right
Whatever decision you will take. Keep in mind that it is right for you. Must remember that you are not alone and your happiness is most important. Choose a relationship that does not make you tired, but make life light and beautiful. You have to think about you yourself, you should not expect it from anyone else.
,
Read this news too
Relationship advisory- Husband is unemployed: his Igo collides in taking help from his in-laws, how to explain to husband, not to seek help, not weakness, courage is courage
After 3 years of marriage, financial stress has increased due to your husband’s job. You are dependent on your income and some savings and are being debated due to your ways to spend differently. Read full news …
