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- Engineer’s Life Changed After Accident | Mental Health & Wheelchair Journey
13 minutes agoAuthor: Manisha Pandey
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Question- I was an engineer by profession. At the age of 34, I had a terrible accident during work. The injury was in the spinal cord. After that I remained a bed redeen for a year and a half. The wound was healed, but I was crippled forever. Now I live in wheelchair. Can’t get up and sit on his own, cannot come and go anywhere.
I live with my parents. There is a younger sister who is married. I am the elder son of the house, at this age I had to be the support of my old parents, on the contrary, now they are taking care of me by becoming my support. The life I dreamed of, it was not like this.
At one time I was applying for a job in the US, I was dating my girlfriend, I was living a dream life and the next moment I came to this wheelchair. Life wandered exactly to 180 degree angle. Now this helpless body is gradually making my mind helpless. I am going into depression. I want to help myself, but don’t know how to do it. Please, Help Me.
Expert – Dr. Drona Sharma, Consultant Psychiatrist, Ireland, UK. Members of the UK, Irish and Gibraltar Medical Council.
Thank you for asking questions. First of all I want to understand your deep pain. You have seen the direction of your life suddenly and completely changing. On the one hand there was a brilliant engineering career, the possibility of a job abroad, a beautiful relationship and a life -filled life. Then the next moment everything changed. Now staying on wheelchair, depending on parents and not being able to fully play the role of ‘elder son’, all these things are pulling you towards sadness and depression. It is also very natural.
Life has changed, not over
You are not alone. People who suddenly have a big physical change in their lives, they feel almost always deep sadness, guilt, and fear towards the future. Guidelines of NICE (National Institute for Health and Care Excellence, UK) and RCPSYCH (Royal College of Psychiatrist, UK) also believe that this is a common human reaction.
But the most important thing that is going to understand here is that your life has just changed. She is not over. And as long as there is life, the power to improve it, weave and make it beautiful is in our hands. Leaving worry about what is not there, we can celebrate it, which is and which we can make better.
Important things to understand
Whatever things you have written in your question, we will try to decod and understand it one by one.
1. Mourning
At this time you are immersed in deep mourning. The change you have faced is not just physical abilities. The outline of life, who had dreams, all changed. In such a situation, this sorrow and mourning are absolutely valid. In such a situation, weeping, getting angry, disappointed, everything is natural.
2. Changing the role
After the accident, your roles in life also changed. Being an ‘elder son’ in Indian context is considered a symbol of parents’ support. when you say:
“I had to be the support of my parents, but on the contrary they have become my support.”
This is the voice of guilt inner your inner. You feel that you are unable to perform your duty of having a son. But remember, Sahara is not just earning money or physical work. Emotional and mental support is equally valuable and necessary.
3. Identification of your depression
You have written that now your body is “helpless.” Obviously, these are the initial signs of depression. But the best thing here is that you are asking for help. You have a sense of this and this is a very positive step. Every change in life begins only by accepting the need for changes in a positive way.
Accident effect on your mental health
Trauma screening test
Here I am giving you a trauma screening test. There are a total of 9 questions in this test, which you have to answer yes or no. The answer to more than four questions is yes, so you are still passing through the trauma of the accident. But there is no need to be disappointed. You can get help from self -help. If the answer to all the questions is yes, then I would suggest that you consider taking self -help as well as professional help.
Your relationship with parents
When we are in sadness, many times they are unable to see the truth in the right light. In such a situation, other people can help us understand the situation.
Here I want to explain to you once very clearly that what your parents are doing for you is not a burden, their love. They are not carrying your burden, they are playing their love. This is not a sacrifice for them, but their belongingness.
It would have been better that this situation did not come. But the situation of situations is not under our control. This is how we see that situation. You can still do these things for your parents –
- Parents can become an emotional support.
- Can participate in their decisions.
- There can be mental and emotionally partners in his life.
- Instead of being closed in your room alone, you can spend time with them.
- Can laugh with them, talk.
- You can do the work of the house, which can be done easily by sitting on a wheelchair.
- Such as filling all the bills of the house.
- Do all the work that are digitally online.
- Also to be happy with them, laugh and joke. To make them feel that you are alone, not isolated, but with them.
- Also, do not let them feel alone in this journey.
- Saying a small thank you to your parents every day: “I can’t reach here without you.”
How to make ahead
I want to tell you in two words that your body may be dependent, but your heart and mind are completely healthy and capable. You can do every thing that is done with the mind and you can feel everything that is felt from the heart.
All the work we do in life, the work done through the body is a very small part of it. So sit down and make a list of the works that you can do with your mind. I am giving you some understanding here –
To make the house a wheelchair friendly: First of all try to make your home friendly to wheelchair. This will make your everyday tasks easier, your dependence on others will be reduced and you will also feel a self -safety.
New Career Options: You should do research about seriousness and also take help from experts on which online and offline career options are for people using wheelchairs. If there was any part of your work as an engineer, which you used to sit on a computer and order, can that work be resumed. Get out of despair and think about it. I assure you that you will go out to find 1 option and you will see 10 new routes. Start today.
New roles at home: Take part in your own way in household chores and responsibilities. Work all online, contribute to economic decisions, guide the children or relatives of the house. Believe me, you can also play the role of a family counselor sitting on that chair.
Relationship: Do not think that all the possibilities of relationship for you are over. Relationships with confidence and honesty last long. So make your profile on dating sites and tell everything about yourself honestly. There will be someone in such a big world, who will accept you the same as you are.
Support Groups: One of the most important things in these situations is that we are not alone. There are many more people like us in the world. You can also join a support group to share your feelings. Here I am suggesting the names of some Indian support groups –
- Enable India
- Indian Spinal Injuries Center
- Ability Foundation
4 weeks “Rebilding Life” plan
This scheme will take you in the direction of self-reliance, self-respect and new opportunities with small steps.
First week
Accept and base
- First of all, accept your current position in your mind.
- Write your feelings in the diary daily.
- Write fear, anger, hatred, pain, resentment, whatever feeling, write it.
- Talk to parents about their feelings openly.
- Make a list of things that are your strength.
- Make a list of your abilities.
- Make a list of things that you like about yourself.
- The purpose of this exercise is to find things and feel proud of them that are beautiful and still have you.
- Make a list of works that you can do by sitting on a wheelchair.
- Start finding new career options.
- For this, fix a meeting with a career counselor and talk.
- Start taking care of your health.
- Do 10 minutes of meditation daily. Sit calm and take a deep breath, meditate.
- Take care of your health, food and sleep.
- The body will be healthy, only then the mind will be able to think healthy and take decisions.
second week
New responsibilities
- Make your home wheelchair friendly with the help of an oocative therapist.
- Make small changes in your routine.
- In everyday tasks, slowly move towards self -sufficiency.
- Start taking responsibility for household chores.
- You do some two things in the house every day, which can be done by sitting on a chair.
- Start writing mood diary. Rate your mood on a scale of 0 to 10 daily.
- See what action is affecting your mood instead of you.
- Join an NGO or online support group.
Third week
New opportunities
- Talk to a career counselor and decide three potential work/training for yourself.
- Create your profile on freelancing websites.
- Connected with the dating app and create an honest profile there.
- Set a small goal for yourself (like I will start an online course, write a blog daily or anything else.)
Fourth week
Ahead
- Met a meeting with the family and decide your responsibilities in writing.
- Apply for a training/job/online venture.
- Say the sentences of self-acceptance to yourself every day. As:
- “I am still capable.”
- “I am associated with life.”
- “I have the strength and passion to do a lot.”
- “Yesterday I handled so many work in two hours.”
- “Today I also contributed in household chores.”
- “My mood diary tells that I feel better.”
- Follow up every three months from the counselor.
- Review your mood diary.
- If the mood is not getting better then meet a professional counselor.
Last message
You said that your life has rotated 180 degrees. This is true, but the truth is that this half circle is not complete. You can now make the remaining half circle in your own way.
Your body has changed, but your intellect, experience, and soul are still as strong. Your parents consider you not a burden, but blessings.
And most importantly, you have taken the first step by asking for help. This is the courage. Gradually, with these small steps you will find your life in a new form, which may be different, but still will be valuable, meaningful and full of love.
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