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Question: I am 27 years old. I am in a live-in relationship with my boyfriend in Delhi. We have been together for 2 years. Both work in the corporate office. He is very active on social media for the last few months. He often comments on some girls posts, chats with them and stays online till late night. Whenever I ask her about this, it says that this is just a friendly conversation.
He also avoids things with flurt comments. Many times I feel as if he is trying to chat by hiding the phone from me. We both knew each other passwords. But we never used to check each other. When I login to his Insta ID, I came to know that the password has changed. Now I feel jealous and insecurity. Is this my overthinking or is its behavior really alarming?
Expert: Dr. Jaya Sukul, Clinical Psychologist, Noida
answer: First of all, know that what you feel is absolutely normal. It is common in your age to get confused in the relationship, especially when things like social media come in the middle. You questioned the online activity of your boyfriend and postponed it as friendly. But your irritation and insecurity cannot be rejected by just your problem. According to statista data, 23% of people feel jealous or uncertainty in their relationship with the partner’s social media activity. Let us consider your problem as step-by-step.
How does social media affect relationships?
Social media has made our life connected, but has also increased irritation and misunderstanding in relationships. Everyone shows their perfect life on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter and seeing this, comparison between partners begins.
If your boyfriend comments on girls posts or chats till late night, then it does not just seem friendly. The use of social media increases doubt and burning in romantic relationships, especially when partner does things like online flirting. This irritation can gradually hollow the relationship, because it reduces mutual trust. If your feelings are being ignored, then it is not an equal relationship.
Is this your insufficiency or a red flag?
Many times girls’ feelings are lightened by calling jealousy or insufficiency, but the reality is that both should get equal respect in the relationship. If your boyfriend chats with girls late at night, makes flurt comments on their posts or becomes defensive when asked, these alarming may be signed.
The phone is hiding, an interaction on the posts of X or single -like behavior red flag on social media. This is not friendly, but a trust break can be a break. Talking about your insufficiency, it can come from your past life experience, but his attitude here is triggering it. Men’s freedom is often preferred in relationships, but the relationship should be of equal, where the feelings of both matters.
Equality of relationship means both get equal freedom
Equal in relationships means that the feelings of the woman get the same importance, the more freedom that has been received by men for years. Women are often made inscoured on social media, because society expects women to become sensible and remain silent. But this is wrong.
If you feel insecurity, it is a sign of an imbalance of the relationship, not your lack. The feelings of both in the relationship should be respected. If he ignores your insiidity, then it is power imbalance. Your right is to express your concern without feeling gilt.
Please talk once before the breakup decision
Now the question is what you should do. Do not decide the breakup immediately, but do not even ignore it. First, talk openly to the partner. Choose the right time, like talking in the evening. Clearly tell him that I feel insecure from your social media activity, can we solve it together. If he understands and is willing to make changes then it is good. But if it defers or blames you, it is a red flag. Set the boundaries: Eg, not having late night chats or avoiding flurt comments. If necessary, seek help from the counselor. Research shows that communication skills reduce social media irritation. Make yourself financially and emotionally strong, so that you can take decisions.
Breakup or not?
If your boyfriend listens to you, is willing to make changes and is also ready for transparency in the relationship, then a chance can be given. However, for this it is necessary that they first accept their mistake. If this is not so, the breakup option can be.
Take the right decision for yourself
You are entitled to a healthy relationship, where trust, respect and equal. Priority your happiness. It is easy to avoid the activity of social media as ‘small talk’, but if it is taking away your peace, then take it seriously. This is not a sign of lack of trust in the relationship, not your insufficiency. Equal in the relationship means respect for the feelings of both. If insecurity is feeling, it is a signal of an imbalance of the relationship. Dare, take the right decision, you are not alone.
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