3 minutes agoAuthor: Shivakant Shukla
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Question- I am from Jamshedpur. My daughter is 15 years old. She studies in class 10 at the well-known convent school in the city. He is quite good to read. We are modern parents. We never pressurized him not to befriend the boy. If the boys cannot come home, then all his friends come to the house. He had a friend who often came home. Suddenly he stopped coming for a few days. We also asked him what happened, ‘Akshay has not come home for a long time’ so he postponed this.
A few days ago he planned to visit the tenth waterfall with his friends. Akshay was also going there, but my daughter canceled the trip on the last moment. I understood something from him that maybe these two had a fight. One day his laptop was left open, so I had read some of his chats in it. This showed that they may have a breakup. This means that he was in a relationship. We did not know this. We thought he was just a friend.
I know that all this is very natural in the teen age. But I am afraid of how the emotional trauma that is feeling it will recover from it. I feel fear, helpless and gilt as a mother. What should I do at this time, please help me.
Expert: Dr. Amita Shringi, Psychologist, Family and Child Counselor, Jaipur
answer- Your concern is of a sensitive and conscious mother. But the parents of most Indian families are very conservative. Because of this, children do not tell such things in the house because the mother and father get a cultural shock that ‘you are having an affair at the age of reading?’ You guys have taken this thing easily. This is a first step in itself. This means that there is no conservative thinking crisis here.
But the real question is that your daughter never told that Akshay was not just a friend, but her boyfriend. This is a sign that despite modernity and openness, the emotional friendship between you and her could not be formed, where she could openly, without fear, without hesitation. This belief and safe space need to be developed. Take special care of some things for this.
This is a natural part of life
Right now your daughter is in 10th, will go further in 12th, graduation. During this time new people will meet, new experiences and these will also include things like relationship. In such a situation, all this is a natural part of his age and life, which is neither possible nor necessary to stop or completely control it.
So now the question is, can we save him completely from these experiences? Or can we create a ‘breakup-proof’ relationship for him? The answer is no. So our role should not be saved, but to make it strong. We should give him the understanding and emotional ability, so that he can know that there will be trouble in life but we have to handle them with comfort and sensibility.
Understand and support his pain
At this time your daughter is going through an emotional breakup. This is the time not to preach or explain him, but to sit with him, listen and feel. It is very important to make him realize that his pain is justified. Do not tell him, ‘Let’s leave, nothing has happened’, ‘Forget it’ or ‘This is like this in this age’. Even if these things seem to be the truth, but at this time these things can make him feel more lonely.
In such a situation, you can say to him, ‘I know that you are unhappy and your problem is absolutely justified. If there is a breakup, there will be sorrow. But I am with you and we will face it together.
Keep friendly relationship with baby girl
Explain to him that having trouble is not a problem. Trouble is created when we get so entangled in that trouble that they start affecting our everyday life. Overall, at this time your role should not be advised by the friend, but the friend who gives it together.
Don’t leave him alone at all
Your baby girl has started living, stays locked in the room and is not talking to anyone. Do not leave him alone in such a situation. You should not stay with him all the time but keep an eye on it.
Take help of a counselor if needed
If the girl has not been able to recover from this situation for a long time, then you can consult a mental health expert. There is no shame in this, but it is a sign of understanding.
Do not make these mistakes at all
When children in the teen age are going through a breakup, their heart breaks as well as confidence. In such a situation, every response of parents can either make their healing process easier or difficult. In such a situation, some common mistakes should be avoided.
Talk openly at home on sexual education
Not only a relationship, children will also be sexually active after an age. But talking on such an issue is considered a taboo in our society. However, keeping silent or ignoring it can push the child towards wrong information or dangerous experiences.
Therefore, it is important that the parents themselves take initiative and intelligently talk on this subject. Give him information about sex in the right and scientific way. Tell him the difference between emotional and physical touch. Remember, if you do not tell, the child will learn from Google or friends and the information from there is not always right.
In the end, I will say that your baby girl is currently going through an emotional storm. This is the time when your presence, your support and your unconditional love will give him the most strength. You cannot completely save her from this pain. But you can definitely become that support for her, so that she emerges more strong rather than breaking. So listen to him, understand and just stay with him like a friend.
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