6 minutes agoAuthor: Shivakant Shukla
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Question: I am from Ahmedabad. My son is 15 years old and studies in 9th class. He is quite good in studies. His teachers also often praise him. But one of his habit bothers me a lot.
Actually whenever he has to put his point in front of people, he gets nervous. During the presentation at school, he often trembles in fear. Even when a relative or guest comes home, he hesitates to talk to them too. Even in class, even though he knows the answer to a question, he is sitting quietly for fear of speaking.
I am worried that this lack of confidence can become a major obstacle in its personal and professional growth in future. I do not want to force him to extortwort because I know that everyone’s nature is different. But I want him to openly speak with confidence, in front of anyone, in front of anyone, in front of anyone. Please tell me how I help him?
Expert: Dr. Amita Shringi, Psychologist, Family and Child Counselor, Jaipur
answer- I can understand your anxiety. It is a matter of pride for parents to be good in the child’s studies. But when the child is hesitant to speak in front of people or speak in front of people, it is natural to worry.
Actually, children who are good in studies are often surrounded by the desire to have performance pressure and perfect. This is the reason why they are afraid of making mistakes because they feel pressure to live up to the expectations of others. This affects them when they speak, express their opinions and come to the fore. In such a situation, it is important to first understand where the root of your son’s hesitation is. For this, identify the causes of his fear.
Try the child’s hesitation of speaking
Along with identifying the reasons, it is also important to understand that every child is different. Some children spontaneously speak in front of others, some need to practice and trust for it. This is not a weakness, rather it is a development skill, which can improve if you guide correctly.
However, it is important to understand here that the hesitation of the child will not go away overnight. There is a need to give patience, persistent efforts and positive environment on your behalf. Your son is the most entitled at this time. Instead of scolding or forcing him, guide him as a friend. Apart from this, take special care of some things.
Do not make these mistakes
Often parents unknowingly sit in some such things or behave, which deepen the child’s hesitation. Before speaking the child is afraid that he will not be judged. So if you want your child to openly speak, then you should avoid making some mistakes.
The most effective way to avoid these mistakes is to make the child feel listening ‘. When he feels that he can say his words without fear, his confidence will slowly start to flourish. For this, encourage the child to interact at home and whenever he speaks, listen carefully without interrupting him.
Consider the child’s hesitation as a skill gap, not a ‘problem’
Speaking is not a congenital quality. This is a learned skill, such as cycling. The only difference is that the fear of falling into it takes the form of embarrassment in front of others. When you consider it as a weakness, but will consider a learning skill, then both your attitude and the child’s mindset will change.
Create an atmosphere of ‘Say anything’
Create an environment around the child where he can say anything without being a judge. Such as-
- Set a light topic to talk on the dining table.
- Do not question it, but ‘it was very interesting, what happened next?’ Like answer so that it can open further.
- Gradually he will understand that speaking his point is also a natural part.
Start with a small stage, not directly from stage
Often parents get children written in school debates or stage acts. This makes the child more nervous. Instead, talk to the class teacher to encourage him to answer in a small group. Include it in low pressure sessions like Common Room or Book Club Discussion.
Seek the advice of child psychologist
If despite your efforts, his nervousness is too much such as frequent sweating, crying, stomach ache or trembling, it can be a sign of social anxiety. In such a situation, take the advice of a counselor or child psychologist.
In the end, I will say that your son is intelligent, sensitive and perhaps he thinks more, more afraid. But your attitude is very true that you want to support him by understanding his nature. Just keep assuring her that she matters, no matter how slow or hesitant she is.
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